Let's Talk About Grief and Kids
Grief is hard, even for adults. As grown-ups, we sometimes struggle to find the right words to describe what we're feeling when we lose someone or experience a big change in our lives. Now imagine being a child who is experiencing those same big emotions but doesn't quite have the words, understanding, or tools to make sense of them.
As a therapist who works with children, I want parents to know something important:
Children grieve, too. They just may not show it in the ways we expect.
Sometimes grief looks like tears and sadness. Other times, it looks like anger, clinginess, trouble sleeping, or even a child who seems completely fine one minute and falls apart the next. This is where play therapy can be such a meaningful way to support children through some of life's hardest moments.
Grief Doesn't Always Look Like Sadness
When we think about grief, we often picture someone crying or talking about how much they miss a loved one. But for children, grief can show up in so many different ways.
You might notice your child becoming more emotional over little things, wanting
to be closer to you, having difficulty at school, or returning to behaviors you thought they had outgrown.
You might also notice your child laughing, playing, and having fun, even shortly
after experiencing a loss.
And that's okay.
Children often move in and out of their grief. They may ask a difficult question about someone who has died and then, just moments later, ask if they can go outside and play. It doesn't mean they aren't grieving or that they don't understand the importance of what happened. It simply means they are processing their emotions in a way that makes sense for their developmental stage.
There is no one right way for a child to grieve.
Why Play Therapy Can Help Children Process Grief
As adults, we often process our emotions through conversation. We talk about what happened, how we feel, and what we're struggling with.
For children, their natural language is often play.
Through toys, art, storytelling, pretend play, and creative activities, children can begin to explore emotions and experiences that may feel too overwhelming or confusing to put into words.
In play therapy, a child might use dolls to act out a family situation, draw pictures that reflect their feelings, or create stories about characters experiencing separation or loss.
Sometimes, a child's play may not appear to have anything to do with grief at all. That's okay, too.
Play therapy isn't about forcing a child to talk about something painful. It's about creating a safe, supportive space where they can express themselves at their own pace.
My role as a therapist is to meet children where they are, build trust, and help them feel understood while supporting their ability to recognize, express, and navigate their emotions.
Grief Is About More Than Losing Someone We Love
When we talk about grief, we often think about the death of a family member, friend, or pet. While these are significant losses, children can also experience grief related to other major life changes.
Divorce, separation, moving to a new home, changing schools, losing friendships, or experiencing changes within their family can all bring feelings of loss.
Even when these changes are necessary or ultimately positive, children may still grieve the life or sense of security they knew before.
For example, a child whose parents are divorcing may not have the words to explain that they miss having everyone together in one home. Instead, they might become frustrated more easily, struggle with transitions between households, or ask the same questions repeatedly.
These behaviors can be a child's way of communicating, "Something feels different, and I'm trying to understand what that means for me."
When we begin to look beneath the behavior, we can better understand the emotions driving it.
How Parents Can Support a Grieving Child at Home
One of the most meaningful things you can do for a grieving child is to let them know that their feelings are welcome, even when those feelings are messy, confusing, or difficult.
You don't need to have all the answers, and you certainly don't need to make the sadness disappear.
Here are a few gentle ways to support your child:
Make room for all emotions. Let your child know it's okay to feel sad, angry, confused, scared, or even happy. Sometimes they may feel several of these emotions at once.
Use simple, honest language. Children benefit from clear, age-appropriate explanations. When discussing death, avoid confusing phrases such as "went to sleep" or "went away," which can unintentionally create fear or uncertainty.
Keep routines as consistent as possible. Predictability can provide a sense of safety during times when so much feels outside of a child's control.
Follow their lead. If your child wants to talk, listen. If they want to play, join them. They don't need every interaction to become a conversation about their grief.
Find ways to remember and stay connected. Looking at pictures, creating memory boxes, drawing, or sharing favorite stories can help children maintain meaningful connections to someone they have lost.
Let them see that adults have feelings, too. It's okay for children to see you feeling sad. Showing them that emotions can be expressed and managed in healthy ways teaches them that feelings aren't something to fear.
Most importantly, remember that your child doesn't need you to handle every moment perfectly. They need to know they are loved, supported, and not alone.
When Should You Consider Play Therapy for Your Child?
Not every child who experiences grief needs therapy. Many children can navigate loss with the support of loving caregivers, consistent routines, and opportunities to express their emotions.
However, additional support may be helpful when grief begins to interfere with their daily life or when they seem to be having difficulty making sense of what they've experienced.
You might consider reaching out to a therapist if your child is experiencing ongoing anxiety, withdrawal from activities they previously enjoyed, frequent emotional outbursts, changes in sleep, difficulty attending school, or increased fears about losing other loved ones.
Therapy can also be helpful simply because you want your child to have an additional safe space to process a difficult experience.
And sometimes, parents need support, too.
Part of my work with children involves helping parents better understand what their child may be communicating through their behavior and identifying ways to support them at home.
Healing Doesn't Mean Forgetting
One of the things I hope families understand about grief is that healing doesn't mean forgetting the person, relationship, or experience that was lost.
It means gradually learning how to carry that loss while continuing to experience connection, joy, safety, and growth.
For children, this process can take time. Their understanding of a loss may also change as they grow older and reach new developmental stages.
A child may revisit their grief months or even years later with new questions or emotions. This doesn't necessarily mean they're moving backward. It may simply mean they're understanding their experience in a new way.
Grief isn't something children need to "get over." It's something we can help them learn to move through, with love, patience, and support.
A Gentle Place to Begin
If your child is navigating grief, loss, or a significant life transition, I want you to know that you don't have to figure out how to support them all on your own.
Through play therapy and a warm, individualized approach, my goal is to create a space where children feel safe being themselves, expressing their emotions, and developing the tools they need to navigate life's challenges.
At Deeply Rooted Psychotherapy, we believe children deserve to feel heard, understood, and supported, especially during life's most difficult moments.
If you're wondering whether play therapy could be helpful for your child, I would love to help you explore what that support might look like for your family.
Watching your child navigate grief or big emotions can be difficult, but you don't have to figure it out alone.
We're here to help your family find healing and support. Schedule a therapy session or book a FREE 15-minute consultation with Kira today!